I spend a lot of time around people whose mother tongue is something other than English. And as a native English speaker who’s admittedly taken my language way too much for granted for most of my life, I have come to the undeniable conclusion that English is weird.
Attempting to explain the difference in pronunciation between sucks and socks to a Spanish speaker is challenging for both of us… not to mention navigating the vowel shift between ship and sheep with a Portuguese speaker. Let’s not even tread upon the precarious minefield of bitch vs. beach!
“English is hard, OK?! I’m sorry!!!” I’ve been known to exclaim, throwing up my hands in defeat.
And what about the baffling verbal and written shortcuts many English-speakers take. Some of my faves [favourites] are thx [thanks] and the minimalist k [OK].
“But why bother shortening a two-letter word? Why is that necessary? I don’t understand,” says a Colombian-born Canadian.
Sadly, I have no answers.
Then there are the silent letters. Useless. Taunting. Unexplainable.
A comb for your hair… but don’t pronounce the “b.”
Night and knight – yes, they mean totally different things. Yes, they’re pronounced exactly the same. No, I don’t know why.
So. I freely admit it. English is often weird and frustrating to those who learned it later in life. I feel lucky to be a native speaker who has never had to think about its oddities… until now.
But all is not bad. We also have some funky expressions and words that I love sharing. Here are some of my faves.
- Whatever floats your boat (“You like to put ketchup on your pancakes? Why not, whatever floats your boat!”)
- Let’s blow this popsicle stand (“I’m ready to go, let’s blow this popsicle stand!”)
- In one fell swoop (“In one fell swoop, the pandemic changed the lives of everyone around the world.”)
- Better than a kick in the pants (“You only got a $3.00 tax refund? Well, I guess it’s better than a kick in the pants.”)
- Discombobulated (“I woke up in the middle of the night and had no idea where I was or what time it was. I was completely discombobulated.”
- Rigamarole (“It was a massive rigamarole to gather all the paperwork I needed to apply for that program, including reference letters from five former professors.”)
- Kerfuffle (“The roaming street performers caused quite a kerfuffle by doing acrobatics in the middle of the road while dressed in creepy clown costumes.”)
- Keener* (“He had already finished all the assignments by the time classes started – what a keener!”)
- Hole in the wall,** mom and pop, and greasy spoon (“Cosmos diner is a tiny greasy spoon with less than a dozen seats. It’s a legendary hole in the wall that doesn’t look like much, but it’s got the best home fries in Montreal. I really hope it doesn’t lose its mom-and-pop charm now that it’s been bought out!”)
*One of my all-time favourite Canadianisms
**Interestingly, this one means something completely different in the UK, where it refers to an automated teller machine (ATM), aka bank machine… a more literal hole in the wall, to be sure.